Ladies and gentlemen, lads and lassies, sit right down for a BIONICLE Comedy Central Production of "Shakespeare Presents: A BIONICLE Comedy Central Night's Chat" Please feel free to reference a dictionary if needed. Please no flash photography. Thank you, and enjoy.

ACT I: The Bionicle Comedy Central Chatroom

Chrismajor enters chat, where Mace is already waiting.

Mace: 'Lo! Chris approaches!

Chrismajor: "What soft, through yonder chat enters!"

Mace: Well met!

Chrismajor: Thou doth speak #LikeABard

Mace: Verilly, I hath learned it well!

(Keplers exits stage right)

Chrismajor: Ho! The voice of Mace Doth pierce the "yolo" of the common man!

Such speech doeth restore a faith in humanity

And I cannot write this script in a hexameter form ... Von! Harken!

Thou speakest not in old English

Mace: Well met, Sir Chris!

Chrismajor: Thanks be to thee, Mace, for thy compliment!

Mace: Thou are most kind!

Chrismajor: Thou didst inspire me - I shall rewrite a BIONICLE comic in Shakespeare!

Mace: Verily thine writing shall be sung of for years to come!

Chrismajor: Methinks thou mayst be correct!

Mace: Aye!

Chrismajor: Then to my Wyrd Processor it is! Thou wilst see the Bard meeting the Turaga, yea, even the Toa!

Mace: Return in but a moment, I shall!

Chrismajor: Prithee, go in peace!

(Mace exits stage right, Malurus joins the randomness)

Malurus: Or shall he go in war?

Chrismajor: Prithee, Mal, not to wish such mysfortune upon thy brother!

Malurus: Nay, I wish not, but he has taken centuries to return!

Chrismajor: Harken! The voice of Mace?

(Starwars has joined the randomness)

Malurus: Where is it?

(Malurus waves to Starwars)

Starwars: *deep voice* here

Chrismajor: Harken! SW doeth approach!

What news doth thy bring?

Come as friend, or, nay it be so, enemy?

Starwars: What younder fair lady-oh... that's Chris. Erm... Wasup bro? Nothin much.

Malurus: :P

Starwars: Arya loved the wheat thins, BTW

Chrismajor: Mal, this one talketh as a bufoon, a common man! Such ruffians!

Malurus: At least he wasn't an ugly lady.

Chrismajor: Gentlemen, refined speech! Nay be it so that thou identifiest as a ruffian!

Starwars: She liked the cast iron mini TARDIS I snuck inside better though

Chrismajor: Such vile speech! Nay, that of the common man!

Starwars: Nay, of a hobo Time Lord

(Keplers has joined the randomness)

Chrismajor: Ah, the Traveller doth understand! Prithee, tell ye tale of the Thins of Wheat

Mace: 'Lo! I hath returned!

Starwars: Doth, the tale is of boorish nature?

Chrismajor: Ah! Was your journey of profit, or if ill?

Starwars: Mah Shakespeare is rusty. IDK.

Mace: Never the mind, SW, mine is made up and learned from Thor!

Trolling Shakes

Chrismajor: Rust lineth thy speech! I fearest the plague!

Keplers: Thine tongue be covered in rust?

Chrismajor: The plague be with him!

Keplers: A silvertongue hath never been so tarnished seen.

Starwars: It got a good laugh and a hug and she said you still wore skinny jeans so.... profit?

Mace: Thor hath teacheth me all I know!

Chrismajor: SW thou talk as if a barbarian!

Mace: Verilly I am a master of thine ancient tongue?


Keplers: Masterful is thine speech, one so full of Mace.

Chrismajor: True, true - the tongue of a scholar! SW - so vile, so villinous!


Chrismajor: Keps - thou speaketh correctly! Mal - such truth, yea

Mace: You have my thanks, Lord Kepler of S!

Chrismajor: And mine, Mace o' Floryda

Mace: Verilly I hath conquered this land.

Save the realm of Mickealeus Mousum!

Malurus: I must go, I will see ye later!

Mace: He hath a grip o' iron upon his land!

Fare the well, Mal!

Chrismajor: Mine internet! Thou villain, thou scum o' the Earth beneath!

Such tempting, and such trickery!

But nay, I rise above thee,

With my sword - Refresh its name

Starwars: I'm the only one here who'll talk like this in public

Mace: Verilly you are more learned than even Thor, Chris!

(Malurus exits stage right)

Thou mayst be correct, War of the Stars.

Chrismajor: I give thee a thank you, Mace o' Floryda! Tis many classes of high school English!

Mace: Whither hath Mal gone?

(Keplers exits stage right).

Chrismajor: As for thee, SW, get thee a dictionary!

Mace: And Kepler of S hath departed our presence!

Chrismajor: May his journey be swift and well upon him!

Mace: Yea!

Chrismajor: Verily indeed, Mace o' Floryda

Mace: The return of Lord BIONICLUS approaches!

Chrismajor: Thou sayest so?

Mace: Indeed, the Town Cryer hath speakest it!

Chrismajor: Verily, he is welcome in our halls, yea, the kingdom!

Let him be honored as a guest

And bestowed treasure thereupon,

Seated in honor and prestige!

Mace: Well met!

Chrismajor: A bestowed thanks be upon thee!

Mace: BIONICLUS' knights appear well armored and adorned with many riches!

Chrismajor: Aye, after honorable battle with the villain YFJ, that ruffian!

Many a kingdom he hath poisoned

Like a vyper, poised to strike

And render the prince motherless and the queen childless

Mace: Indeed, a wolf in rats clothing, if thou will.

Chrismajor: Thou speakest well!

Mace: Verily we could converse in this tongue forever!

Chrismajor: Prithee, indeed!

(Starwars exits stage right)

Chrismajor: SW doeth leave the chat - I fear ill

Grave mistidings of the dev'lish Android!

Mace: The War of the Stars hath seen many a battle, mayhaps a fiend of old hath taken him?

Chrismajor: TIS A SCANDEL



Chrismajor: I fear the wiles of YFJ, that ruffian!

Indeed. Lord Von von Ness has spake little!

Mace: He hath spoken of a demon in his employ.

Mayhaps he deals with powers arcane!

(Starwars has joined the randomness)

Starwars: A soft reboot, actually

Only half of the Vahi


Chrismajor: Doeth this ruffian speak so barbarically still??

Come, sit, speak as the bard!

Be ye not conc'rned with matters of the commoners!


Starwars: You don't want the Bonkle lowdown? Okay then

Mace: I do, SW.

Starwars: I JUST SAID IT!

Chrismajor: Indeed, animal-like, this one!

Thy mouth moves, but the sounds ut'red maketh no reason!

Starwars: WOOF! MEOW!


Mace: So, the kingdom of BIONICLUS hath beem reset by powers most vile?

It is not a tale of another realm?

Ye olde one hath been cast out?

Starwars: It is. Another universe

Mace: Ah.

My fears were ill placed

Chrismajor: I fear'st the efforts of Lego, and that of the Marketing Team!

Mace: I am acquainted with the Lady of Marketing!

Chrismajor: Thou speakest truth?

Mace: I doth follow her in the realm of Twitter!

Mention a game and an app, she has!

(Starwars shows the picture of the BroDeer)

Mace: Verily thine prey will make a fabulous feast!

Chrismajor: Thy hunting efforts seem to be failed

Methinks dead carrion haveth no tongue

And yet this ruffian speaks!

Come, hithertoo, creature, utter thy heart

Mace: Verily that is the face I would make, if I ever said that phrase!

Chrismajor: The deer doeth seem to utter "Harken, brother, tell me verily if I do not look fabulous?"

Mace: It doth look like a fabulous feast!

Chrismajor: Verily indeed, provided the beast would first SHUT UP!

ACT 2: The Arrival of Malurus

M'alurus has joined the randomness

Chrismajor: Harken. Lord Mal approacheth!

Malurus: Yea, I have come to my fellow brethren!

Chrismajor: Ho, thy footsteps echo in this hall

But come, sit, and tell of your journeys!

Servant! Prepare the feast!

Malurus: My journeys tell of the fabulous fight of Peetsa!

Mace: 'Lo! Mal hath returned!

Starwars: Mal, do me a solid and get the fancy shamncy talk outta my hair.

Chrismajor: Such a ruffian!

Malurus: Nay, this ruffian is a friend of mine! He shall not be a servant, but a guest!

Mace: If thou wishes me to cease speaking in this tongue, thou hath but to ask!

Chrismajor: In such presence of Lord Mal and Mace o' Floryda?

Prithee, we shalt allow him a seat

But we cannot abandon our seat for his ... common talk!

Starwars: I could cut my tongue out...

Chrismajor: Vile!

Starwars: I always wanted to do that...

Malurus: Nay, not today, SW!

Mace: Don't.

Chrismajor: Such vulgar speech! And in the presence of a guest!

Malurus: Thou should wait until thou are of good age and hath spoke most your speech.

Starwars: Fooled you.

Mace: Verilly the evil alchemists of thine age will use it to duplicate thine body, War of Stars!

Chrismajor: To the dungeons, I say, until thou learns't respect in the court!

Mace: Verilly, I've been had!


Chrismajor: Mayest thy heart, SW, still be beating by the time you fin'sh!

Malurus: I have a swell idea! Let us eat in the dungeons!

Mace: Well played, War of Stars!

Chrismajor: Mace o' Floryda, I speaketh the dungeon for SW!

(Keplers has joined the randomness)

Mace: 'Lo!

Malurus: LO!

Chrismajor: Harken! Keps cometh!

Mace: Keplers hath returned!

Malurus: I hath read the paper, and am now routinely writing my letter to the editor!

Chrismajor: Servants! Prepare the welcome feast

Delay thy Min'craft until the table be set

And prithee, stalleth not!

Mace: Verilly it shall be a feast liken unto no other!

Chrismajor: Indeed, can'st sayeth better!

Malurus: Yea, it will be the first one I can say I came in stuffed upon!

(Keplers exits stage right)

Chrismajor: Indeed, Lord Mal But come, the servants doeth finish the setting And the table doth invite We shall dine tonight! To thy health, and thine, and even SW's!

Mace: I had thought I had seeneth Keplers!

Malurus: Nay, he hath left! His food must be served to another!

Mace: Mayhaps I was mistaken?

Chrismajor: Methinks so ...

Mace: Verilly I hunger for his portion!

Malurus: SW should join our feast! His health be taken to aco'nt.

Chrismajor: Keps' portion? Nay, SW's portion now!

Come, sit, partake of merriment!

Malurus: Now, how do I know who this editor is? Should I even include his name in this parchment?

Mace: Thou speaketh the truth, my brethren!

(To Mal) Mayhaps you shall

Chrismajor: Address him as simply "To the Editor"

Such address be eno'gh

For a man of such anonymity

Malurus: So tell us the tales of late, Mace of Floryda! What adventures hast thou overcame?

Mace: I hath gotten things secured on the homefront!

Now I seeketh employment!

Malurus: My fair sister lands in your land tonight!

(Slicer Vorzakh has joined the randomness)

Malurus: NAY!!!

Mace: 'Lo!

Chrismajor: Slicer! Thou speakest in the bard, yea?

Slicer Vorzakh: No l ...

ACT 3: The Arrival of BionicleFan1

BionicleFan1 joins the randomness. He is seeking advice from Lord Chrismajor, Mace o' Floryda, and Lord Malarus. SW still cannot speak correctlty.

Chrismajor: Come, sit, and speak anyways.

Mace: Slicer aprocheth!

Malurus: Nay, another peasant?

Chrismajor: Lo! BionicleFan1 cometh!

Malurus: How many come!

Mace: Verily he hath come for the feast!

Chrismajor: Two, nay, maybe more, methinks!

Slicer Vorzakh: So bard, many confusion

Malurus: Nay, there is not enough mead for their mouths to make them merry!

Mace; Thou shall send thine best men to acquire more!

Chrismajor: Methinks I shall run to WalMart and secure more

Nay, no guest in these halls

Shall a dry mouth and em'ty belly have!

BionicleFan1: I'm playing the superhero game

Malurus: More wine is needed, as well as mead!

Chrismajor: Nay, Lord BF, speaketh as the bard!

Mace: Verilly thou can emulate Thor, then.

(Vonness exits stage right)

Chrismajor: Thou addst it to my shopp'ng list, Mal, prithee?

Malurus: Yea!

Chrismajor: I thankst thee, verily and indeed

In the words of the fair Toa Kopaka "i hast slept f'r so long. mine dreams hast been dark ones. but anon i hast awaken'd. anon the scatter'd elements of mine being art rejoin'd. anon i am whole. and the darkness cannot stand 'ere me. "

I shareth thy amusement

Malurus: Fair he is indeed, but chilling to the bone his words are.

Mace: Verily thou put Thor to shame in usage of thine tongue.

Malurus: Yea, who wants to hear the battle of Peetsa?

Chrismajor: Methinks we shall!

BionicleFan1: Trying to talk to this girl through the in game PM system.

Mace: Aye!

BionicleFan1: But I ran out of things to say

Mace: "Fare maiden" is the phrase of thine age, Fan of BIONICLUS.

Malurus:Yea, I hath went to the land called Dinur'Table, a land thou should know.

Mace: Aye, I know it well

Malurus: I grabbed a white shield, and then the beast of Peetsa was upon me!

No blade I had in hand!

Chrismajor: This internet! Mine death indeed!

But enough of pain, continue thy tale, Mal

BionicleFan1: I need help

Malurus: The beast Peetsa put all it's might upon my shield! It lay upon it, one could say!

Chrismajor: Thou speakest so?

Malurus: What help does thou need, Fan of BIOINICLE?

Mace: Verily I know not what to tell ye,

Fan of BIONICLE - Find common ground!

Striketh up a rivetting conversation!

Chrismajor: Yea, speaketh to her as such

"What soft, what light through yonder server breaks!

It is the east, and (inserth thy maiden's name here) is the sun!

Harken, she speaks!"

Starwars: What help?

Chrismajor: Tis a classic phrase

Starwars: @BF

Mace: Speaketh with Maiden fair, the fan of BIONICLE does.

Malurus: The beast Peetsa almost overcame me, but I had an idea!

Mace: Thou he is unsure how to proceed.

Malurus: I grabbed the beast with my arm, and bent it in two!

Chrismajor: Aye, the ides of love! But come, tell us thy tale, Mal

Malurus: Then I gnashed at it with my teeth!

Mace: Aye, much courage thou has!

Chrismajor: Sayeth so?

MalurusThe creature was overcame, and Dinur'Table was safe once more!

Chrismajor: Harken to such valor! Thou hast won thy honor!

Mace: Yea, thou be a tale that'll be long sung!

BionicleFan1: Some help

Starwars: With?


Chrismajor: At thee, BIONICLUS fan Sayeth what I doeth suggest!

Mace: Aye

He needs advice about Maidens fair.

Starwars: Oh?

Mace: Indeed.

Starwars: Ask if she likes DW

Malurus: If it is maidens we speak of,

I seem to have a way with them.

SW speaks truth!

Mace: He hath speaketh with one on a game of heroes and villains!

Malurus: DW is a great subject for fair maidens!

Mace: And now he hath come to a mental block!

He knows not what to speak!

Chrismajor: Such internet! Villainous! Ruffian!

'Bioni'cleFan1: I'm not talking like that

Chrismajor: Yea, the doctor doerth be conve'sation for the maiden's heart!

Come, BIONICULOUS fan, thou knowest not the beauty of such tongue!

Mace: Aye!

Thine Maiden surely knoweth it well!

Malurus: I hath won many maidens accident'ly by spaking the Doctor's name! He is a true hero indeed!

(Slicer Vorzakh exits stage right)

Chrismajor: But doeth thy pursue the courtship, Lord Mal? That doeth be a joke of the humorous type

Mace: Verily the Comedy Centre of BINOICLOUS is quite an odd place!

Chrismajor: Indeed!

(BionicleFan1 facepalms)

Chrismajor: Thou fasepalm?

Mace: Why hast thou began beating thine face, Fan of BIOINICLOUS?

Malurus: I hath not yet need of courtship, since these maidens fall for me all the time, yet I have yet to find the one for me!

Mace: Verily, you shall, Mal.

Malurus: That 'tis secret!

Chrismajor: Aye I hath likewise abandoned courtship,

Few doeth be fans of BIONICULOUS

And too many be ditzy and rot o' brains

BionicleFan1: I'm just talking to a girl Mal, not hitting on her

Chrismajor: Aye, the strug'le doeth exist

Thou separates the two, fan of BIONICULOUS? Both be one and same

Malurus: Then why doeth you ask advice? Just talk, Fan of BIONICULOUS!

Mace: Thou mustn't hit maidens, Fan of BIONICLOUS!

Chrismajor: Indeed, Mace speaketh truth!

BionicleFan1: But can I hit males Squire Mace?

Mace: Aye,

Chrismajor: Nay! Mace be a Lord!

Mace: Have fun.

Malurus: They are meant for hitting!

BionicleFan1: But that's sexism

Chrismajor: And slicing, nay, even impal'ment!

Mace: 'Tis the glory of battle, thine Males crave.

Chrismajor: 'Tis the glory of the kytchen, thine Females crave

Malurus: Well, ye see, there art... Things, that men... Well, ye see...

Chrismajor: Thou loseth thy words, Mal?

Malurus: Well, explaining this thing to this commoner is hard.

Starwars: ASK BOUT DW!!!

Mace: Males tend to be more athletically inclined, Fan of BIONICLOUs.

Starwars: I'm above this...

Malurus: Yea, the Doctor is much a good subject!

Mace: 'Tis how life works.

Chrismajor: SW, speaketh correctly or cease to speak, commoner!

Mace: I'm above ev'rything!

Chrismajor: I kiddest yet, SW

Mace: Aye.

Malurus: YEA!

Mace: 'Tis all in jest.

I'm sure.

Malurus: SW, ye grow silent.

Chrismajor: Perhaps we should put aside our speech and draw curtain upon our tale?

Malurus: Speak and be merry!

Mace: Aye,.

BionicleFan1: Speak Gungan

Malurus: Yea, this speech shall not get in between the Lords of the BCC!

Chrismajor: Nay! I shall return to the speech of the common folk!

Mace: Verilly we shall speak the tongue of modern man.

Malurus: Now, I bid thee to fare well!

~ END ~