Ladies and gentlemen, lads and lassies, sit right down for a BIONICLE Comedy Central Production of "Shakespeare Presents: A BIONICLE Comedy Central Night's Chat" Please feel free to reference a dictionary if needed. Please no flash photography. Thank you, and enjoy.
ACT I: The Bionicle Comedy Central Chatroom
Chrismajor enters chat, where Mace is already waiting.
Mace: 'Lo! Chris approaches!
Chrismajor: "What soft, through yonder chat enters!"
Mace: Well met!
Chrismajor: Thou doth speak #LikeABard
Mace: Verilly, I hath learned it well!
(Keplers exits stage right)
Chrismajor: Ho! The voice of Mace Doth pierce the "yolo" of the common man!
Such speech doeth restore a faith in humanity
And I cannot write this script in a hexameter form ... Von! Harken!
Thou speakest not in old English
Mace: Well met, Sir Chris!
Chrismajor: Thanks be to thee, Mace, for thy compliment!
Mace: Thou are most kind!
Chrismajor: Thou didst inspire me - I shall rewrite a BIONICLE comic in Shakespeare!
Mace: Verily thine writing shall be sung of for years to come!
Chrismajor: Methinks thou mayst be correct!
Chrismajor: Then to my Wyrd Processor it is! Thou wilst see the Bard meeting the Turaga, yea, even the Toa!
Mace: Return in but a moment, I shall!
Chrismajor: Prithee, go in peace!
(Mace exits stage right, Malurus joins the randomness)
Malurus: Or shall he go in war?
Chrismajor: Prithee, Mal, not to wish such mysfortune upon thy brother!
Malurus: Nay, I wish not, but he has taken centuries to return!
Chrismajor: Mal, this one talketh as a bufoon, a common man! Such ruffians!
Malurus: At least he wasn't an ugly lady.
Chrismajor: Gentlemen, refined speech! Nay be it so that thou identifiest as a ruffian!
Starwars: She liked the cast iron mini TARDIS I snuck inside better though
Chrismajor: Such vile speech! Nay, that of the common man!
Starwars: Nay, of a hobo Time Lord
(Keplers has joined the randomness)
Chrismajor: Ah, the Traveller doth understand! Prithee, tell ye tale of the Thins of Wheat
Mace: 'Lo! I hath returned!
Starwars: Doth, the tale is of boorish nature?
Chrismajor: Ah! Was your journey of profit, or if ill?
Starwars: Mah Shakespeare is rusty. IDK.
Mace: Never the mind, SW, mine is made up and learned from Thor!
Chrismajor: Rust lineth thy speech! I fearest the plague!
Keplers: Thine tongue be covered in rust?
Chrismajor: The plague be with him!
Keplers: A silvertongue hath never been so tarnished seen.
Starwars: It got a good laugh and a hug and she said you still wore skinny jeans so.... profit?
Mace: Thor hath teacheth me all I know!
Chrismajor: SW thou talk as if a barbarian!
Mace: Verilly I am a master of thine ancient tongue?
Starwars: DOTH MOTHAH KNOW YA WEAR HER DRAPES????
Keplers: Masterful is thine speech, one so full of Mace.
Chrismajor: True, true - the tongue of a scholar! SW - so vile, so villinous!
Malurus: OOOOOOOH! THOU ART BURNED!
Chrismajor: Keps - thou speaketh correctly! Mal - such truth, yea
Mace: You have my thanks, Lord Kepler of S!
Chrismajor: And mine, Mace o' Floryda
Mace: Verilly I hath conquered this land.
Save the realm of Mickealeus Mousum!
Malurus: I must go, I will see ye later!
Mace: He hath a grip o' iron upon his land!
Fare the well, Mal!
Chrismajor: Mine internet! Thou villain, thou scum o' the Earth beneath!
Such tempting, and such trickery!
But nay, I rise above thee,
With my sword - Refresh its name
Starwars: I'm the only one here who'll talk like this in public
Mace: Verilly you are more learned than even Thor, Chris!
(Malurus exits stage right)
Thou mayst be correct, War of the Stars.
Chrismajor: I give thee a thank you, Mace o' Floryda! Tis many classes of high school English!
Mace: Whither hath Mal gone?
(Keplers exits stage right).
Chrismajor: As for thee, SW, get thee a dictionary!
Mace: And Kepler of S hath departed our presence!
Chrismajor: May his journey be swift and well upon him!
Chrismajor: Verily indeed, Mace o' Floryda
Mace: The return of Lord BIONICLUS approaches!
Chrismajor: Thou sayest so?
Mace: Indeed, the Town Cryer hath speakest it!
Chrismajor: Verily, he is welcome in our halls, yea, the kingdom!
Let him be honored as a guest
And bestowed treasure thereupon,
Seated in honor and prestige!
Mace: Well met!
Chrismajor: A bestowed thanks be upon thee!
Mace: BIONICLUS' knights appear well armored and adorned with many riches!
Chrismajor: Aye, after honorable battle with the villain YFJ, that ruffian!
Many a kingdom he hath poisoned
Like a vyper, poised to strike
And render the prince motherless and the queen childless
Mace: Indeed, a wolf in rats clothing, if thou will.
Chrismajor: Thou speakest well!
Mace: Verily we could converse in this tongue forever!
Chrismajor: Prithee, indeed!
(Starwars exits stage right)
Chrismajor: SW doeth leave the chat - I fear ill
Grave mistidings of the dev'lish Android!
Mace: The War of the Stars hath seen many a battle, mayhaps a fiend of old hath taken him?
Chrismajor: TIS A SCANDEL
Mace: VERILY SO!
Chrismajor: I fear the wiles of YFJ, that ruffian!
Indeed. Lord Von von Ness has spake little!
Mace: He hath spoken of a demon in his employ.
Mayhaps he deals with powers arcane!
(Starwars has joined the randomness)
Starwars: A soft reboot, actually
Only half of the Vahi
Chrismajor: Doeth this ruffian speak so barbarically still??
Come, sit, speak as the bard!
Be ye not conc'rned with matters of the commoners!
Mace: VERILY THE WAR OF STARS HATH RETURNED!
Starwars: You don't want the Bonkle lowdown? Okay then
Mace: I do, SW.
Starwars: I JUST SAID IT!
Chrismajor: Indeed, animal-like, this one!
Thy mouth moves, but the sounds ut'red maketh no reason!
Starwars: WOOF! MEOW!
Chrismajor: TIS A SCANDEL OF SCANDELS
Mace: So, the kingdom of BIONICLUS hath beem reset by powers most vile?
It is not a tale of another realm?
Ye olde one hath been cast out?
Starwars: It is. Another universe
My fears were ill placed
Chrismajor: I fear'st the efforts of Lego, and that of the Marketing Team!
Mace: I am acquainted with the Lady of Marketing!
Chrismajor: Thou speakest truth?
Mace: I doth follow her in the realm of Twitter!
Mention a game and an app, she has!
(Starwars shows the picture of the BroDeer)
Mace: Verily thine prey will make a fabulous feast!
Chrismajor: Thy hunting efforts seem to be failed
Methinks dead carrion haveth no tongue
And yet this ruffian speaks!
Come, hithertoo, creature, utter thy heart
Mace: Verily that is the face I would make, if I ever said that phrase!
Chrismajor: The deer doeth seem to utter "Harken, brother, tell me verily if I do not look fabulous?"
Mace: It doth look like a fabulous feast!
Chrismajor: Verily indeed, provided the beast would first SHUT UP!
ACT 2: The Arrival of Malurus
M'alurus has joined the randomness
Chrismajor: Harken. Lord Mal approacheth!
Malurus: Yea, I have come to my fellow brethren!
Chrismajor: Ho, thy footsteps echo in this hall
But come, sit, and tell of your journeys!
Servant! Prepare the feast!
Malurus: My journeys tell of the fabulous fight of Peetsa!
Mace: 'Lo! Mal hath returned!
Starwars: Mal, do me a solid and get the fancy shamncy talk outta my hair.
Chrismajor: Such a ruffian!
Malurus: Nay, this ruffian is a friend of mine! He shall not be a servant, but a guest!
Mace: If thou wishes me to cease speaking in this tongue, thou hath but to ask!
Chrismajor: In such presence of Lord Mal and Mace o' Floryda?
Prithee, we shalt allow him a seat
But we cannot abandon our seat for his ... common talk!
Starwars: I could cut my tongue out...
Starwars: I always wanted to do that...
Malurus: Nay, not today, SW!
Chrismajor: Such vulgar speech! And in the presence of a guest!
Malurus: Thou should wait until thou are of good age and hath spoke most your speech.
Starwars: Fooled you.
Mace: Verilly the evil alchemists of thine age will use it to duplicate thine body, War of Stars!
Chrismajor: To the dungeons, I say, until thou learns't respect in the court!
Mace: Verilly, I've been had!
Starwars: CLONES??? The CHARM IS TOO DANG HIGH!
Chrismajor: Mayest thy heart, SW, still be beating by the time you fin'sh!
Malurus: I have a swell idea! Let us eat in the dungeons!
Mace: Well played, War of Stars!
Chrismajor: Mace o' Floryda, I speaketh the dungeon for SW!
(Keplers has joined the randomness)
Chrismajor: Harken! Keps cometh!
Mace: Keplers hath returned!
Malurus: I hath read the paper, and am now routinely writing my letter to the editor!
Chrismajor: Servants! Prepare the welcome feast
Delay thy Min'craft until the table be set
And prithee, stalleth not!
Mace: Verilly it shall be a feast liken unto no other!
Chrismajor: Indeed, can'st sayeth better!
Malurus: Yea, it will be the first one I can say I came in stuffed upon!
(Keplers exits stage right)
Chrismajor: Indeed, Lord Mal But come, the servants doeth finish the setting And the table doth invite We shall dine tonight! To thy health, and thine, and even SW's!
Mace: I had thought I had seeneth Keplers!
Malurus: Nay, he hath left! His food must be served to another!
Mace: Mayhaps I was mistaken?
Chrismajor: Methinks so ...
Mace: Verilly I hunger for his portion!
Malurus: SW should join our feast! His health be taken to aco'nt.
Chrismajor: Keps' portion? Nay, SW's portion now!
Come, sit, partake of merriment!
Malurus: Now, how do I know who this editor is? Should I even include his name in this parchment?
Mace: Thou speaketh the truth, my brethren!
(To Mal) Mayhaps you shall
Chrismajor: Address him as simply "To the Editor"
Such address be eno'gh
For a man of such anonymity
Malurus: So tell us the tales of late, Mace of Floryda! What adventures hast thou overcame?
Mace: I hath gotten things secured on the homefront!
Now I seeketh employment!
Malurus: My fair sister lands in your land tonight!
(Slicer Vorzakh has joined the randomness)
Chrismajor: Slicer! Thou speakest in the bard, yea?
Slicer Vorzakh: No l ...
ACT 3: The Arrival of BionicleFan1
BionicleFan1 joins the randomness. He is seeking advice from Lord Chrismajor, Mace o' Floryda, and Lord Malarus. SW still cannot speak correctlty.
Chrismajor: Come, sit, and speak anyways.
Mace: Slicer aprocheth!
Malurus: Nay, another peasant?
Chrismajor: Lo! BionicleFan1 cometh!
Malurus: How many come!
Mace: Verily he hath come for the feast!
Chrismajor: Two, nay, maybe more, methinks!
Slicer Vorzakh: So bard, many confusion
Malurus: Nay, there is not enough mead for their mouths to make them merry!
Mace; Thou shall send thine best men to acquire more!
Chrismajor: Methinks I shall run to WalMart and secure more
Nay, no guest in these halls
Shall a dry mouth and em'ty belly have!
BionicleFan1: I'm playing the superhero game
Malurus: More wine is needed, as well as mead!
Chrismajor: Nay, Lord BF, speaketh as the bard!
Mace: Verilly thou can emulate Thor, then.
(Vonness exits stage right)
Chrismajor: Thou addst it to my shopp'ng list, Mal, prithee?
Chrismajor: I thankst thee, verily and indeed
In the words of the fair Toa Kopaka "i hast slept f'r so long. mine dreams hast been dark ones. but anon i hast awaken'd. anon the scatter'd elements of mine being art rejoin'd. anon i am whole. and the darkness cannot stand 'ere me. "
I shareth thy amusement
Malurus: Fair he is indeed, but chilling to the bone his words are.
Mace: Verily thou put Thor to shame in usage of thine tongue.
Malurus: Yea, who wants to hear the battle of Peetsa?
Chrismajor: Methinks we shall!
BionicleFan1: Trying to talk to this girl through the in game PM system.
BionicleFan1: But I ran out of things to say
Mace: "Fare maiden" is the phrase of thine age, Fan of BIONICLUS.
Malurus:Yea, I hath went to the land called Dinur'Table, a land thou should know.
Mace: Aye, I know it well
Malurus: I grabbed a white shield, and then the beast of Peetsa was upon me!
No blade I had in hand!
Chrismajor: This internet!
Mine death indeed!
But enough of pain, continue thy tale, Mal
BionicleFan1: I need help
Malurus: The beast Peetsa put all it's might upon my shield! It lay upon it, one could say!
Chrismajor: Thou speakest so?
Malurus: What help does thou need, Fan of BIOINICLE?
Mace: Verily I know not what to tell ye,
Fan of BIONICLE - Find common ground!
Striketh up a rivetting conversation!
Chrismajor: Yea, speaketh to her as such
"What soft, what light through yonder server breaks!
It is the east, and (inserth thy maiden's name here) is the sun!
Harken, she speaks!"
Starwars: What help?
Chrismajor: Tis a classic phrase
Mace: Speaketh with Maiden fair, the fan of BIONICLE does.
Malurus: The beast Peetsa almost overcame me, but I had an idea!
Mace: Thou he is unsure how to proceed.
Malurus: I grabbed the beast with my arm, and bent it in two!
Chrismajor: Aye, the ides of love! But come, tell us thy tale, Mal
Malurus: Then I gnashed at it with my teeth!
Mace: Aye, much courage thou has!
Chrismajor: Sayeth so?
MalurusThe creature was overcame, and Dinur'Table was safe once more!
Chrismajor: Harken to such valor! Thou hast won thy honor!
Mace: Yea, thou be a tale that'll be long sung!
BionicleFan1: Some help
Malurus: WHAT HELP DOES THOU REQUIRE? DOES THOU NEED ADVICE?
Chrismajor: At thee, BIONICLUS fan Sayeth what I doeth suggest!
He needs advice about Maidens fair.
Starwars: Ask if she likes DW
Malurus: If it is maidens we speak of,
I seem to have a way with them.
SW speaks truth!
Mace: He hath speaketh with one on a game of heroes and villains!
Malurus: DW is a great subject for fair maidens!
Mace: And now he hath come to a mental block!
He knows not what to speak!
Chrismajor: Such internet! Villainous! Ruffian!
'Bioni'cleFan1: I'm not talking like that
Chrismajor: Yea, the doctor doerth be conve'sation for the maiden's heart!
Come, BIONICULOUS fan, thou knowest not the beauty of such tongue!
Thine Maiden surely knoweth it well!
Malurus: I hath won many maidens accident'ly by spaking the Doctor's name! He is a true hero indeed!
(Slicer Vorzakh exits stage right)
Chrismajor: But doeth thy pursue the courtship, Lord Mal? That doeth be a joke of the humorous type
Mace: Verily the Comedy Centre of BINOICLOUS is quite an odd place!
Chrismajor: Thou fasepalm?
Mace: Why hast thou began beating thine face, Fan of BIOINICLOUS?
Malurus: I hath not yet need of courtship, since these maidens fall for me all the time, yet I have yet to find the one for me!
Mace: Verily, you shall, Mal.
Malurus: That 'tis secret!
Chrismajor: Aye I hath likewise abandoned courtship,
Few doeth be fans of BIONICULOUS
And too many be ditzy and rot o' brains
BionicleFan1: I'm just talking to a girl Mal, not hitting on her
Chrismajor: Aye, the strug'le doeth exist
Thou separates the two, fan of BIONICULOUS? Both be one and same
Malurus: Then why doeth you ask advice? Just talk, Fan of BIONICULOUS!
Mace: Thou mustn't hit maidens, Fan of BIONICLOUS!
Chrismajor: Indeed, Mace speaketh truth!
BionicleFan1: But can I hit males Squire Mace?
Chrismajor: Nay! Mace be a Lord!
Mace: Have fun.
Malurus: They are meant for hitting!
BionicleFan1: But that's sexism
Chrismajor: And slicing, nay, even impal'ment!
Mace: 'Tis the glory of battle, thine Males crave.
Chrismajor: 'Tis the glory of the kytchen, thine Females crave
Malurus: Well, ye see, there art... Things, that men... Well, ye see...
Chrismajor: Thou loseth thy words, Mal?
Malurus: Well, explaining this thing to this commoner is hard.
Starwars: ASK BOUT DW!!!
Mace: Males tend to be more athletically inclined, Fan of BIONICLOUs.
Starwars: I'm above this...
Malurus: Yea, the Doctor is much a good subject!
Mace: 'Tis how life works.
Chrismajor: SW, speaketh correctly or cease to speak, commoner!
Mace: I'm above ev'rything!
Chrismajor: I kiddest yet, SW
Mace: 'Tis all in jest.
Malurus: SW, ye grow silent.
Chrismajor: Perhaps we should put aside our speech and draw curtain upon our tale?
Malurus: Speak and be merry!
BionicleFan1: Speak Gungan
Malurus: Yea, this speech shall not get in between the Lords of the BCC!
Chrismajor: Nay! I shall return to the speech of the common folk!
Mace: Verilly we shall speak the tongue of modern man.